big takeover

it has been a bit since i have written any new news for y'all.  it is that time every four years, when even i get patriotic.  yeah i know i should love this place on principal, but there are too many people here that get under my skin.  

the girls are doing fine and growing.  as you can tell by the photo "big takeover," just like the Nazi Scheme, my cilantro, cucumber, and peppers are being starved of nutrients because, 

"there is unrest in the garden

there is trouble with the fruit

the peppers, cucumbers, and cilantro want more sunlight

 but the pumpkins ignore their pleas!"

Rush wrote it different but you get the picture. 

i have been neglecting some of the plants to see if they would be better left to there own devices and failure.  it is hard to watch your kids fail and more so to watch them breed but i am a big kid and sometimes you just have to be a voyeur, for science or just a hundred pound pumpkin.  i caught a bee doing my bidding today in one of the larger females, the drone must have been a chubby chaser because this girl has a "sweet spirit" if you know what i mean.  

it is hard to tend to the little ones. that is why i will leave it up to the politicians to make sure my pumpkins are taken care of.  i mean they have answers for everything, i mean everything.  i had no idea they needed to know how the middle class lives, they are not the middle class.  i just wish they would make it mandatory to have Thursdays as, "GO COMMANDO DAY," so those of us that wish not to wear underwear won't feel so out of place.

REMEMBER TO GO COMMANDO THIS THURSDAY AND TAKE PHOTOS AND SUBMIT THEM TO MY BLOG

mating season, duck season!

it was duck season, i mean, mating season today! i put some panty hose over the female on sunday just so no "touchy, touchy" by bad little insects, this is my daughter we are talking about. so i gutted two male flowers and rubbed them up against the female and left the stamen from both around in the flower. Then i put the stocking over the female again to let them have some privacy.  this is turning out to be a great challenge, i have undertaken but i welcome it. if i fail at this then maybe my wife will rethink the baby thing.  the other parts of the garden are doing just fine. we now the cucumber plant starting to give fruit and tomatoes are taking a while to become ripe but they will be tremendous.  sometimes you just have to sit back relax and enjoy the small things in life.  i mean blowing your nose and getting all the green stuff out is wonderful and simple. enjoying your time in the bathroom, #2, is a small thing in life.  eating old bread with mold on it at your grandmother's house, amazing.  just enjoy!

cross pollination

so a few days ago i had to cut off a couple of female flowers because they had bloomed and when it comes to dogs, food, and pumpkins i say "no thanks" crossbreeding. i woke up this morning and realized there are two new females starting to bud not open yet, kind of like me when i am in a crowd...yeah right! this is a critical stage.  i need to make sure that nothing fertilizes my little girls except a boy that i deem worthy of fertilization.  it is a hard choice and now i know what people go through when their daughters bring home guys like me, "what is wrong with that kid," "i hope he really isn't retarded." my choice and keeping my mouth shut about the would be suitors of my girls is actually more like an "arranged marriage,"if you will. Iiam like most parents who find out their daughter is knocked up, not very PC, they want to"C-I-L-L" the boy who got his boy stuff on their daughter's stuff.  i get to cut up a couple of male flowers; cut off all outside petals, and force feed my precious that beloved pollen from the perfect match for her, as to not co-mingle cucumber pollen with GREAT PUMPKIN pollen. 

i feel like the Sir Thomas Boleyn from The Other Boleyn Girl, forcing his nieces to make a name for the family and assure us financial wealth for life. i wish that financial freedom was on it's way but, i settle with a hundred pound PUMPKIN for now. So i have to cover the girls with stockings to ward of uninvited pesky foreigns, or what i like to call "tainted" pollen.  here goes nothing.