the funniest thing i have ever done.

i got on my trusty Ruckus and went to the store to buy some legal adult crack, aka energy drink. i made my purchase and had to ride one handed, because i had one hand on the throttle and one on the bag of stimulants i had just purchased. now i live by an elite college with frats and all kinds of normal stuff, i don't know what normal is i went to BYU, and i also live by a seminary for the catholic church. i get up to the stop light and look to my right there is a car full of college aged kids, i ASSumed, dressed in classic clerical clothing, smiling and having fun. i look over with a grin on my face and say, no i am not kidding, "where's the party? i bet that is going to be fun. are there are going to be a lot of little boys?" holy shit, no pun intended. i thought to myself, mmm what had i just done to these poor boys? i mean no matter what, that was not the PC thing to say at any point, but we all know how i am. were they really priests at all or were they just frat boys doing some lame frat boy thing? i, not internalizing what i had just said or present company, look over again and the smiles morph into looks of total disgust. out of the corner of my eye, i see something swinging from the rearview mirror. i shift my stare towards the rearview mirror and i realize it is three sets of ROSARY BEADS shimmering for all to see. wow wasn't that fun. PRIESTS!!!!!

cooktop vs. gas

i am not on the fence about this one. most people think they need gas to cook their food correctly. in the words of penn and teller "BULLSHIT!" you know why people want gas? cuz they think they have a restaurant, do not misinterpret, mothers with more than 3 kids own a restaurant! you can get the right temp with a cooktop for 2 count 'em 2 people with 2 count 'em 2 hours of prep. i consider myself a bit of a cook, not a chef 'cause those people think they are the only ones in the universe, maybe, just maybe i am a chef incognito!!!!??? but this is my educated guess, not so educated, not so much skinny, i feel that the heat required to boil potatoes can be reached with time. so maybe i have to revamp my thesis statement, people without money to waste, think gas is better then anything else!!

testies of the times

it has been too long for a post. i have been side tracked with the company i work for and its third grade drama and the childish antics, i have seen this before but i won't let out who, and Beth getting all of her final tests done to become a Pharmacist. i am here to tell you the growth of my twelve vines and my new girl have been wonderful. i have an 19lb pumpkin and a 65lb dog. she, the dog, has been the delight of my life and terror of my wife's. she shreds paperwork, shoe insoles, toilet paper, and remote controls directv $15 and $100 universal remotes. those things belong in their respective places. i have been testing myself lately on my threshold of pain. test one, test two, test three, test my brain cause i want to let it explode. i try to look at the pumpkins as i would my wife pulling the "goalie"(no we are not trying), so we can have kids. yeah it sounds good until the heavy lifting comes in. diapers and plant food, changing diapers and adding some sort of organic compost causes(who cares about organic, my mom never knew about organic, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY USE ORGANIC)...you get the picture. but what do i focus on? always the thing at hand. we all knew someday i would have pumpkins, but not a wife. now i am in a mild quandary of sorts. where do i put my focus? beer drinking, air sea battle playing, dogs, hair plugs (i need something), pumpkins, getting the man pill, or just being the type casted dark entity for the song ditch digger by rocket from the crypt. no my wife hasn't hit the breaks and the airbags deployed, just that i am arriving at that time of life. one of us has our career (beth, we all know i am not that driven) and we can get on with the next stage of life, kids or drug abuse (i would much love to go down the road of the great sundahls before me, you chose). before i get too deep in my own crap, did you all see the NoBama rant about the police and racial profiling. don't you think that dudes neighbors should be the ones under investigation? how do you not know you have a black man as your neighbor. sorry about the side note, not really.

that is why i hate the newz.

from now on i wil only do fonetic spelings cause i can!! hail canadia!! later and smell u soon!!

grit your teefs and get down to business!

it is time to grit your teefs and get growing. this year is for bragging rites of who has the biggest pumpkin. i got my family and a few other friends to give it a go this year. i have commandeered the whole garden area in the far back corner of my yard. so i had to build my wife some raised garden beds to offsets my domination of the bigger plot.

the garden boxes are great and they are closer to the house. it is easier to get the herbs for dinner and the salad we want to eat that night. i think this is going to be a great year of the pumpkin. i wonder what confucius would say? and why didn't the chinese have the year of the pumpkin?

having something to get my mind off the state of the world, i have also been riding my scooter a ton. she gives me the freedom i have needed for a few years. life changing events have taken place in the last few years and i was missing something. this pumpkin lifestyle, my scooter, my dogs, and my wife have helped me to find my "happy place."

i want to brag about my wife, Dr. Sundahl, for one paragraph. i am so proud of her and her motivation, not her inability to relax, OCD. she completed her pharmD program at the university of colorado, denver. she has made me a better person, really. getting to know her is and has been the greatest gift of my life. last night she told me a story that i had never heard before and i was smiling about it. she takes me at face value. she is giving and loving, obviously she married me! it has been a struggle for us, with her going to school and me having a hard time finding work. but, we made it!! I LOVE HER!! it has been a joy, even during the hardest times of my life and our lives together. i look forward to what our future holds for us.

now that part of it is over, i look forward to the new challenges we face together. so smart a doctor (thanks cubby) and she is my wife.

we have added a few members to the family. we have another vicious killer named fiona gerturude rana sundahl. the taco bell mishap dog, more later... and we have been expecting this for a while, a new hottub. she is wonderful. helps with my aches and pains. fiona is a terror that i do not wish on anyone but she is ours. she smells the flowers, rips up the carpet, eats beth's shoe insoles, and knocks out her brother's tooth. but she is a magical fit. jackson loves her and lola is happy to be a maternal figure.

start today

i have harvested all the seeds from the biggest pumpkin and am drying them for next year's attempt to make something bigger and better, it is the american way!  but i am troubled, not by the car industry, but the man/woman who shaved my head today.  i kept getting this strange, no way really, vibe that shim(she+him=shim) had done a buzz cut in the army, navy or some other branch of the military, over a few thousand times.  it was in how shim so carefully found a high spot and made sure to go over it over and over it again.  sounds like dubya's take on life and his thoughts about tax cuts for the oil companies.  he was nice to talk to, or was it her, never mind, it was good to get a stellar buzz, even if shim's adam's apple was the size of a gorilla's testicle. so my real problem is why did i have a problem with some dude wanting to get his stuff cut off and become less of a man, this is not a dis of women, he is actually cutting off his hangers.  i know and have met men less worthy of tackle then someone who feels strongly about his gender.  but here lies my confusion...how come more men turn into deadbeat dads, then get sex changes?...just think about it.

cut and done!

well i cut them off.  she is 62 lbs!! i am happy with that but it makes me want to do better next year.  i am sad to cut her i wanted to get to 100lbs but this is good.  i have now made a plan for next year; cutting trees for more sunlight,  getting the ph balanced, monitoring nitrogen levels so the girls don't get too much.  i will write more later just wanted to get a quick post in and update all y'all!!

close to pickin'

as we draw closer to the day of the dead and halloween, i am almost to tears realizing that my pumpkin season is almost over.  tomorrow i will be cutting all three pumpkins from the plant and letting them mature off the vine so we can get the garden ready for winter.  winter sucks! i will have the final tally of the weight and measurements and will post them soon. we have made a new addition to the family.  she is a beautiful 7.6 pounds of fury.  her name is fiona gertrude sundahl.  we got her from the side of the road from some crackhead south of colorado springs.  beth couldn't let her go to some home that would misuse and abuse her.  my wife kept saying she looks exactly like "my lola." so now our dog jackson and myself are feeling a little bit out numbered, three female pumpkins, two female dogs, sammy my sister (just moved in), and beth my wife.  i am hoping that this is not a trend in my life that i am out numbered.  i am sure i will be left behind enough when beth decides she is ready to be "in the family way" or "P.G" as my grandma would say. when beth decides i will send out a press release so everyone can start stockpiling arms, gamesha save all of you!

more later...